I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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