kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
