yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
