I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
