hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
last night I used snow as a chaser
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
