Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
