It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
