Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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