batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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