I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
