I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
