He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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