I wish my penis had an off switch
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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