i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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