dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
