You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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