no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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