I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
