I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
