New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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