Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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