I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Boobs are out for the taking
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
