I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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