Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
