i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
