Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
