there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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