is your mom at the bar?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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