And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
