so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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