When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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