my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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