He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
