Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i will never coherently bang her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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