I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Alive.
So much puke
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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