o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
