awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
