I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
