Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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