So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
