i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
