stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
