I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
