If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
