When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
