My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
