This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
