i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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