My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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