hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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