There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
