My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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