My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
