The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
