who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
