I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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