The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
