Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When are your genitals available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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