can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
