Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
