My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
