I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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