they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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