I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
