I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
