if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
