He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
wow bdsm is so cute
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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