didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
