Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
