i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
pray to the hookup gods
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
