there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
