I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They are going to name an STD after you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Text me some of your sweat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
