My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
