I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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