I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
