Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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