the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We need to rekindle our bromance
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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